Forgiveness is not Only Good for the Soul

I have to admit, forgiveness may perhaps be one aspect of my faith where I struggle the most with. Even when the Bible tells us that if we forgive men when they sin against us, our heavenly Father will also forgive us (Matt 6:14), I still have a tendency to be choosy as to whom I forgive. According to my point of view, there are those worthy to be forgiven and those who are not.

However, did you know that forgiveness may just be for our own good than that of others? Spiritually, yes, we have a duty to forgive our wrong doers, but it's been found that forgiveness can also benefit our psychological and physical well being, so...

Resent any resentment.

The main reason why we hold back forgiveness is because of resentment, which when looked up on a dictionary means to hold something in the mind as a subject of contemplation. Now, if your mind was a hard disk drive, wouldn't that space be better used for files that are more important?

The truth is, anger, resentment, and the desire for revenge can drain valuable energy from us that we can use for other more positive actions instead.

Noble Peace Winner Nelson Mandela even has this to say on the subject: “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

Which is true, because resentment does not have any direct effect on the person being resented, but have a number of negative effects on the person experiencing it. Included are physical problems like high blood pressure and stress; and behavioral problems such as hostility, cynicism, and sarcasm which can greatly affect other healthy relationships.

Photo from inspiredinsanity.com

Now, what do we get from forgiving others?

• Forgiveness is good for the heart - literally! A study from the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found forgiveness to be associated with lower blood pressure, thus promoting better cardiovascular and stress relief.
• A later study even found forgiveness to positively affect sleep quality, decrease physical symptoms, and improve conflict management.
• A research conducted by Dr. Fred Luskin with the Stanford University Forgiveness Project suggests that forgiveness skills can be learned. He reported that those who took the training achieved decreased stress levels and increased levels of optimism.
• And lastly but most important of all, we obey God's word when we forgive.

So how do we go about forgiving?

Jack Canfield's book, The Success Principles enumerates the following essential steps to achieving forgiveness:

1. Acknowledge your anger and resentment.
2. Acknowledge the hurt and pain it created.
3. Acknowledge the fear and self-doubts that it created.
4. Own any part you may have played in letting it occur or letting it continue.
5. Acknowledge what you were wanting that you did not get, and then put yourself in the other person's shoes and attempt where he or she was coming from at that time, and what needs the other person was trying to meet – however inelegantly – by his or her behavior.
6. Let go and forgive the person.

Forgiveness is hard, not impossible.

One of the most inspiring stories I've read about forgiveness is that of Phan Thi Kim Phuc, or more familiarly known as the girl in this Pulitzer Prize photo by Nick Ut:

She was 9 years old when on June 8, 1972, South Vietnamese planes dropped a napalm bomb on her home village of Trang Ban and killed two of her cousins along with two more villagers. She on the other hand, was left with third degree burns on more than half of her body.

Miraculously, after 14 months of painful rehabilitation and 17 surgical procedures, she has survived her ordeal and is now a Canadian citizen, a goodwill ambassador for the United Nations Educational and Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO), and the founder of Kim Foundation, an organization that helps innocent victims of war.

Everyone who has ever met her was impressed by the amazing quality of peace that radiates from her. In fact, the following is what Power to Change Ministries has to say about Kim Phuc's personality:

What is perhaps most stunning about Kim Phuc is the peace that radiates from her in person. She is not angry. She is not bitter against her government or anyone else involved in the war. In fact, Kim’s greatest passion is healing. In 1996, she travelled to the United States to meet Nick Ut and the doctors who had operated on her in Saigon. On Veteran’s Day that same year, Kim spoke at the Vietnam Veteran’s Memorial in Washington, DC. Her message expressed the need for healing and reconciliation for all those who’d been involved in the war.
What makes this possible? Perhaps a better question is “Who makes this possible?” And the answer is God.
Kim’s gentle spirit and quiet determination are products of her relationship with a loving Heavenly Father. Kim discovered a God who could empathize with her pain, and who could heal it. Her body bears the scars of a brutal childhood experience, but her spirit is whole.

Image from DocumentingReality.com

The word forgive really means to give it up for yourself.

Let's face it... Forgiving someone may not be the favorite task on our to do list. But be condoled in the fact that forgiving someone does not mean condoning what the person did to us, and it too doesn't mean that we have to trust and rebuild a relationship with that person. When we forgive, it's not really for other parties involved, but for the benefit of ourselves and a better relationship with our Father above.

God bless!

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References:
The Benefits of Forgiveness by Elizabeth Scott, M.S.
Benefits of Forgiveness Include Real Stress Relief
The Success Principles by Jack Canfield



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