My journey back to the Christian faith was like taking a wrong turn during the rush hour in Manila traffic. It took forever to make a u-turn (or left or right for that matter). And, being the manly driver that I was, I hate to stop and ask for directions. I even ignored the turn signs and kept going straight. Hoping that I'll get to somewhere eventually.
You see, It was around my fourth year in St. Stephen's High School when I decided to become a Christian. But back then, it was purely for friendship and fun. I never really had a personal relationship with the Lord. And it was only a matter of time before I got tired of the faith, and began looking for other means of fulfillment.
Also, what discouraged me most from going to church then, was hearing about politics among Christians in the church, and seeing an elder Christian deliberately encouraging my friend to lie to her parents just so she can be with us. Now, I don't want to be self righteous, because I've had my own share of successful escape missions from parents. But for me, if I can't be discouraged from doing what I am already doing wrong, then what's the point of staying?
It was during the next few years after that, when I became good at being bad. And by that, I mean doing bad and insensitive things. I played around and didn't care if I've hurt anyone's feelings. There was a tiny sense of guilt after each encounter, but I soon learned to ignore it. I was also good at cleaning up the evidence, so I didn't get caught... Well, not until one of my sisters spies on my cellphone and gets to read a surprising little message that I haven't deleted yet, that is. But that's invalid evidence because of the illegal nature of it's acquisition. Hahaha!
I also looked for other faiths in other churches (or temples to put it more correctly). They were attempts to put direction into my life. Because no matter what I did, whatever endeavor I took, I always ended back in square one. Honestly, I don't really believe in tiyanaks1, but I felt like natiyatiyanak ako!2 I was going in circles!
I can honestly say that it sucked to be me that time. I was inviting all the wrong people, and all the wrong circumstances into my life.
It was during a “non-denominational” service as part of a business seminar agenda around 2007 when God called me back. The “non-denominational” service turned out to be a Christian service, and the speaker's message was about God calling out to His children to come back.
I don't know why, but there was a burden in my heart to heed the call. I was already crying the time we got to the closing prayer.
Now, I had a church going girlfriend that time, who, upon hearing the good news, encouraged me to go to church with her during Sundays, and instilled in me that habit.
So anyway, long story short. Girlfriend cheated on me, girlfriend gone, habit stayed, don't want to go to her church, tried other churches, and finally found my way back to St. Stephen's Parish. But don't get me wrong, though... St. Stephen's Parish was not my last choice. It was here where I finally felt most at home with.
And in my walk now, I also figured that it's not really what God gave you, but how you react to what is given to you.
Lastly, think about this: We may have gotten angry with God for giving us hardships, or sending the wrong people or circumstances to us. But if we haven't experienced those wrongs, we wouldn't be closer to the right us now. That's why we're a work in progress.
Be strong in the Lord and thank you!
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1 A small monster that makes you lose your sense of direction
2 I'm losing my sense of direction because of the tiyanak
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